Cinema Rundown – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
In the wake of summer refuse like Star Trek and Up, it is promising to see Michael Bay take back the reins and grace us with this epic 2-1/2 hour dramatic affair.
As Revenge of the Fallen gets going, we come to find out that our favorite hero Samuel Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is college bound. The long distance relationship with his inexplicitly hot girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) seems intact, but will the strain of college pull them apart? Will Sam’s parents be able to hold their marriage together after empty-nest syndrome kicks in? Can Agent Simmons (John Turturro) really make the best pastrami? These questions (at least partially) and more are answered! Oh, and some alien robot thingies fight and look ominous, for what that’s worth.
The plot of RotF is highly complex on a grandiose scale: The Fallen, aka grandpa Bionicle, wants energon. He can get it by destroying our sun. We like our sun. Conflict ensues.
The movie really shines though with its immersive dialog. Through lines like the emotional “I really don’t like that guy. He is an ass… hole,” or the empoweringly beautiful “Punkass Decepticon”, we as viewers continue to be enamored with both the Transformers and their human compatriots.
Back are some familiar faces. We see Bumblebee return with his broken voice-box, because this story mechanic definitely wasn’t fixed in the first flick. As stated above, Sam also makes his comeback, perfectly running and yelling his way back into our hearts. Obviously though, the one weak link from the previous film, Optimus Prime (voiced by the flat, unemotional Peter Cullen) had to make his presence known again. But if he is the only thing dragging down this film, I’ll ignore this one mistake.
Not just the main cast delivers. The supporting cast members also bring some of the most exquisite performances within any media. Sam’s mother eating those “green” brownies she bought at an on-campus bake sale no less brings both depth and acceptance to an otherwise mildly morbid trek to college. Sam’s 2-day roommate Leo carries the torch of brainless imbecile with a honed craft not seen by many actors these days. And let us not forget Mojo, the ever-humping chihuahua; still brings a tear to my eye thinking about him.
The greatest addition, or should I say additions, to the cast by far is the Autobot twins Mudflap and Skids. The only thing missing from the first film was a tried-and-true comic relief duo. So Mr. Bay took charge, blatantly stole from the brilliant concept that was Jar Jar Binks, and created the embodiment of awesome. The Twins steal the show with their ad-libbed dialog and sophisticated nature. In one particular scene, Mudflap seemingly meets his demise. I was mortified, cringing in my seat for seeing such cinematic greatness go to waste. However, triumphantly (and thankfully) he breaks free, allowing the true dynamic duo to finish the movie in absolute comedic style. *fist bump!*
Speaking of humor, RotF is riddled with expertly crafted one-liners and potty jokes. I never thought I would ever be rolling in the aisles; however being bombarded in rapid succession with fart, vomit and ballsack jokes did me in. Mr. Bay even takes it as far as to show the construction behemoth that is Devastator from below with an invigorating view of its balls. Classy.
Who am I kidding though? The real reason anyone wants to see this movie is for Megan Fox. The way she embodies the essence of classical acting is uncanny. I see her not only being nominated but landslide winning Best Actress at the next Academy Awards. That’s a patented “Geekspective Guarantee”. Besides, who doesn’t also enjoy shot after shot of Megan constantly doing the Michael Baywatch slow-motion running of hers. Never gets old. Not even after the fifteenth time in as many minutes.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is this year’s movie of the year. It pleasantly stays away from any sort of development, and limits any pesky involvement for that matter, from either Transformer side, leaving us rightfully following the human characters most of the film. We are blissfully entangled in a web of fraternity humor and the always important fighting. Michael Bay has a knack for adding in completely relevant and pertinent content that never pulls his viewers out of the movie and in no way pads his 2-1/2 hour masterpiece. Also, the pacing and fight choreography are impeccable; I never once felt like I was lost during a battle sequence. Now, I can’t speak for everyone, but I am ecstatic Mr. Bay publicly acknowledges his small penis, otherwise we’d never bare witness to his exuberantly overcompensating action greatness.
All-in-all this movie was perfection.
/sarcasm
True story: One fellow patron sat down next to me before the film and asked if I had seen it before. I told him no. He then proceeded to tell me how much of a transformer fanatic he was, and that I should not worry if he becomes gleefully ecstatic in his seat. I smiled and told him to have fun. He subsequently fell asleep. Take that as you will.
Tags: Cinema Rundown, Megan Fox, Revenge of the Fallen, Review, Shia LaBeouf, Transformers
Has anybody else noticed that Michael Bay makes millions of dollars by making the same movie over and over with slightly different CGI? Spunky men with can-do attitudes save the world with minimal help from under-utilized technology that could squish them like flies while romancing females who are waaaaaay too hot for them. Explosions ensue.
Mr. Bay, your membership card for ARC is in the mail.
Michael Baysplosions! BOOM BOOM POW! BLAHBLOOBLAYBAYSPLOSIONS! Bwoooosh!
Loves me some Robot Chicken.
The funniest part about this whole thing is that when Megan Fox said (and was quite accurate in her assessment) that Transformers 2 wasn’t about “acting” Michael Bay responded with “She’s a young kid, what does she know?”. At least Ewe Boll is somewhat aware that his movies are literally shit in the shape of celluloid.