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Art Fail Friday

Amber Pulley — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:30:09 +0000

I hate Twilight so much. It in itself is fail, but the fan art I’ve seen surpasses its inspiration. With the release of the New Moon movie, there has been an explosion of even more terrible art work.

New Moon is the retarded version of Underworld. Werewolves versus vampires; same old story but this time with teenage angst and romance. Jacob Black, newly blossomed werewolf, full of raging hormones must protect his beloved Bella from the evil bloodsucking monsters, aka the Cullens. Will he be able fend them off? It’s sure to be the most heart wrenching, devastating struggle of all time.

Or… will it? Based on these pictures… Jacob is a sweetly retard man-child. All he’s missing is a bit of drool coming out of his mouth. I don’t think he would stand a chance against the Cullens with their chiseled jaw lines, cleft chins, quirky eyebrows, and icy soulless glares. This family is a Frankenstein Calvin Klein ad. Poor Jacob doesn’t stand a chance. If he isn’t blinded by their sparkling, he’ll surely suffocate from their cologne, aka “eau du vampire”; that is, if he doesn’t choke on his slobber first.

Art Fail Fr… um, Saturday!

Amber Pulley — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 22:34:03 +0000

Today’s art fail exposes sad fangirl artwork of Repo! the Genetic Opera. If you don’t know what Repo is, well, then maybe you’re not an 8th grade goth girl or … Dylan.

Let’s get started, shall we?

I would like to introduce you to Blind Mag. This is what she looks like in the movie:

Now, look what these two artists came up with:

Umm…

Auuuugh. The first picture is only what I can describe as a disembodied head of a whore charging her eye beams. While the second picture has made an attempt to draw a torso, it is FAIL. Her tits are trying to take refuge under her armpits. I don’t even want to talk about her skeleton face.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that Paris Hilton is in this movie? Here she is as Amber Sweet, trying to be popular.

She’s addicted to surgery, and because of being under the knife so many times, her face is falling off. This artist…oh man, this artist…just look:

A fresh, hot pizza was thrown into the face of a chef causing 3rd degree burns.

Great job, guys. Keep up the great work.

Art Fail Friday

Amber Pulley — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:37:06 +0000

In response to Halo 3: ODST‘s release, I give to you the collection of fail I have gathered this week. I had a hard time finding things that were absolute fail, as many who are art-challenged won’t even attempt to draw something as difficult as ODST armor. However, some people are relentless.

My not so bad first discovery. An ODST staring at the sky looking for answers. Where am I? What happened? Where is everyone? Why am I guarding these giant yams?

My first thought about my second discovery was, “Super Saiyan Goku wearing a beanie, surprised at being struck in the head with a blue dragon ball.

Actual description: The artist in ODST armor getting stuck with a plasma grenade.

On top of the lame concept (why depict yourself failing?), the artist is using 1st grade art techniques. Ball point pen outline? Check. Sloppy ass coloring (what, you STILL can’t stay inside the lines)? Check. Basic geometric shapes? Check. His head is reminiscent of the ice cream cones I drew as a kid. You know, the triangle with the semi-circle on top? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

His expression is what kills me the most. His mouth agape, one eye opened wider than the other, shoulders drawn up to his ears… er, well, where his ears should be, anyway. His expression says ”UH-OH”, as if his mom just caught him looking at porn. Comical, yes. Fitting for knowing that in less than 3 seconds, your head will be obliterated, no.

Ahhh, now for the 3rd and final installment.

If this wasn’t labeled as an ODST so much, I would have thought it was Samus Aran wearing a neck brace.

Not sure if there is much more I can say about this one. It seems the UNSC will recruit anyone, including rectilinear giraffes with completely round heads who are forgetful of their role in life. ”I’m a what? An ODST? Oh, okay. Yeah, it’s written on my chest. I forgot.”

Art Fail Friday

Amber Pulley — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:00:50 +0000

Ninja fail.

First off, this fails just because it’s Naruto and some Narutard drew it.

Secondly, two words: camel toes.

The only one that should have a camel toe, doesn’t.

And sorry Naruto, obviously Sasuke has the bigger camel toe, therefore you lose. Its mightiness makes Sakura weak in the knees.

Art Fail Friday

Amber Pulley — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:53:58 +0000

This week I give you a taste of delicious angsty Marvel fanfiction/art.

You may wonder, who are these people? Those were my thoughts when I first laid my eyes on this disaster. Further sleuthing lead me to the artist’s piece of fan fiction that went along with this illustration.

“Remy knocked on the bedroom door. Molly poked just her head out.”

Remy? This is supposed to be Gambit!? I’m sorry, but since when did Gambit have a misshapen bean for a head? Was he a victim of a tragic accident, that left not only his head in utter disrepair, but his hand a crippled nub of twisted fingers?

Speaking of that nub, I don’t blame him for punching this scantily clad woman. I would be full of rage too, if I repelled women with my disfigured appearance. If you can’t have them, beat them, amirite? But wait, maybe I am mistaken. Is this a full throttle beat down waiting to happen, or is this the gentle nudge from a lover? Let’s read, shall we.

“I know I look fat. Not that pretty either. It looked better on the model in the catalogue then it does on me…” She said.

“You’re beautiful no matter what, cherie,” he smiled. “…N-no. I’m not,” She continued not to look at him. “You _are_. It doesn’t matter what you wear or how you might look. To me you’d still be the prettiest girl in the room any day,” he said.

Sweet, he essentially called her fat in the most indirect way he could. Sure, you might be FAT and your clothes might look TERRIBLE, but you’re beautiful to me. Oh Remy, you charmer. Well, surely he’s getting laid.

After the kiss, Molly slowly shook her head with a giggle, “…Now get outta here.
It’s late. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Morning can’t come soon enough,” He winked as he left.

Um, what? All that subtle lying for nothing? For heaven’s sake, she even bought a nightie with him in mind!? AND NOTHING?! I can only assume, then, that Molly gets off by playing the hopeless low self esteem victim and then cock teasing Quasimodo look alikes that have super powers. What a bitch.

Art Fail Friday

Amber Pulley — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:20:55 +0000

Because of all the Batman: Arkham Asylum I’ve been watching Dylan play, I had to incorporate a Batman theme into today’s Art Fail.

What the crap is this!? If you want to depict the Joker and Harley Quinn, DO THEM JUSTICE! Don’t turn the Joker into some starving skeletal structure with terrible anatomy.

Is his arm made of rubber? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only way his left hand could be in that position. What are those things where his ribs are supposed to be? I’m really confused, this muscle system doesn’t make any sense. I’m not entirely sure why the Ace of Knaves is topless, anyway. If I had such a janked up torso, I’m pretty sure I would keep that shit covered. My conclusion: he’s obviously super stoned at the moment. Look at those eyes.

Oh, Harley, I love how you stare nonchalantly out into space as your left shoulder tries to escape your body. I wonder what you’re thinking about. Perhaps, how you and “Jack” are gonna be friends forever?