Oh, man, guys. In geekspective’s collective absence, a MAJOR disaster has threatened to pull apart one of today’s greatest musical talents: Paramore.

Back in December, Josh and Zac officially announced their departures from the band (those bitches!). They said it was because they just weren’t having fun, but I have to believe that they’re just jealous of Hayley’s fame and talent. She’s, like, the greatest vocalist in decades. I’d easily list her among the pinnacle of singers, right there with the likes of Bon Jovi and Huey Lewis. If only those Farro brothers knew what they were leaving. Like, rock is totally Paramore’s thing. No one has rocked harder. And those guys just don’t understand.

I understand though, Hayley! I love you! Break on through this rap crap these younglings are listening to. You can’t spell crap without a keyboard (or maybe at least some vocal chords).

Teen angst forever!

P.S. – No, the band is not ending. They have stand-ins currently touring with them. Apparently, they will also have new music in 2011, although the band may stylistically change with whatever new additions they do get.

New Moon is the retarded version of Underworld.  Werewolves versus vampires; same old story but this time with teenage angst and romance. Jacob Black, newly blossomed werewolf, full of raging hormones must protect his beloved Bella from the evil bloodsucking monsters, aka the Cullens. Will he be able fend them off? It’s sure to be the most heart wrenching, devastating struggle of all time.

Or… will it?  Based on these pictures… Jacob is a sweetly retard man-child. All he’s missing is a bit of drool coming out of his mouth. I don’t think he would stand a chance against the Cullens with their chiseled jaw lines, cleft chins, quirky eyebrows, and icy soulless glares. This family is a Frankenstein Calvin Klein ad. Poor Jacob doesn’t stand a chance. If he isn’t blinded by their sparkling, he’ll surely suffocate from their cologne, aka “eau du vampire”; that is, if he doesn’t choke on his slobber first.